Struggling with Obedience

I struggle with obedience. Daily.

And I’m not talking about disobedient children.

I’m talking about MYSELF.

I wanted to experience this:

But God wanted me to get up.

I argued (cajoled, pleaded, begged) to go back to sleep. I’ve not been sleeping well, and I’m SO tired. FOR FORTY-FIVE MINUTES.

Yep, 45 minutes.

But God persisted.

So, I got up. (And I’m so glad I did.)

And then I whined. I had finished the series of verses I was mapping on prayer and didn’t know where to go. My brain didn’t want to be up, so I couldn’t seem to find a coherent thought.

And then I searched faithful. AGH! **Can you tell I’m still a little—what’s the word I want to use?—irritable?

This is what I found:

Matthew 25:21(&23), “His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little. I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'” (ESV)

Faithful. This particular word in the Greek means trustworthy, faithful, true.

Have I been faithful over the little?

Truthfully, I’m the one feeling a bit “little” at the moment.

I was a BEAR yesterday. I wanted to hibernate. ALONE. But I live in a house with four other people who happen to love me, which means they sometimes want to be in my presence. They don’t always want to talk. They just want to BE. But that means I’m not alone. And some of those times I “growled” my way to quiet. 🙁

The struggle to obey is real.

“Be kind one to another …” Eph 4:32 (Ginger paraphrase, too tired to figure out which version I learned) comes to mind.

And I wasn’t kind.

And this morning I didn’t start the day well.

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing …” (Phil 2:14 ESV)

Didn’t obey that command today. 🙁

But God knows my body better than I do. He forgives me when I ask. And I did. For not getting up when He asked me to. For grumbling about doing it. For being a bear yesterday. For doing that which I know I shouldn’t do but do anyway.

Life is a series of choices. Today, I chose to obey, but I did it with a bad attitude. And now I’m choosing to correct it. Change it. With God’s help. I’ll make some breakfast. Read a bit in a good book. And then get on with the rest of my day. And maybe later, if all goes well, I’ll get to take a nap. I need it.

It’ll probably look something like this:

Except I’ll be on the couch in my office. 😀

I prayer when God asks you to do the little things today, that’ll you think of Matthew 25 and the parable of Jesus.

I don’t know about you, but I want the bigger things. I want to touch people with my stories, with my life. But to do that, I have to be faithful with what I have now.

And it’s so hard.

Writing is hard. Life is hard. Obedience is hard.

But God …



1 thought on “Struggling with Obedience

  1. It is hard BUT

    The Lord bless you and keep you;
    the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
    the Lord lift up his countenance[a] upon you and give you peace.
    Numbers 6:24-26

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