Today’s a bad day for me. I’m not exactly sure why other than I’ve been up since 4am, and I’m exhausted. Usually the fatigue is not as severe as it seems today.
Our fridge quit working sometime in the night. The freezer section still works, but the fridge section was up to 50 degrees when we got up, and has since hit 60 degrees. Thankfully we have a second fridge. I had to do some major rearranging and take out some thing that didn’t HAVE to be cold, but it all fit.
Some days it’s harder to be optimistic, you know? I know God is with me. I know He’s looking down on me and trying to tell or teach me something, but I’m a slow learner, I think. Eleven months of waking up every morning with back pain is wearing me down. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of struggling to sleep through the pain.
When I was moving stuff from one fridge to the other this morning (probably 15-20 feet, at most), I put some of the lighter, less breakable things in a basket. It probably weighed 10 lbs., maybe 15. I could feel the pull on my back.
It frustrates me. I HATE asking people for help, but I can hardly move first thing when I get up. Thankfully that’s usually several hours before everyone else and by then my back stops hurting (unless I do something like move things from one fridge to another).
I can’t even use that time to write. It hurts too much to concentrate most mornings. I wind up reading as it takes my mind off the pain.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking how whiney I sound. It’s not that I’m ungrateful. I’m not. I’m thankful I can still move. I’m thankful that my family is willing to help me lift and move things. Most days, I’m thankful I’m still alive. Just being honest here.
I tend toward the melancholy anyway and when I’m tired or hurting, which seems to be a lot lately, it sends me further into a deep, dark pit.
And yet, I will be like David–the shepherd and king–and pick myself up by my bootstraps (except I’m barefoot at the moment), and push forward.
I have Pandora playing worship music in the background. I refuse to let the devil win this battle. The war has already been won, but I have to fight this battle, and today I’m tired and would appreciate your prayers.
I did a little search on YouTube, looking for just the right video to encourage myself. I went through a number and then came to this one. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me this morning. I needed a good faith boost.