It’s time for confessions. Remember I’m perfectly imperfect.
A few months ago (not too long, it was warm enough for shorts), I was sitting in a restaurant with two friends. A woman walked by wearing a nice pair of dress shorts. You know the kind that looks like a skirt, all flowy and soft, but are shorts. The were pretty short, but not indecent. I made the comment that I couldn’t/wouldn’t go out in public looking like that.
See, she was a larger woman with a great amount of cellulite on her thighs. Now before you think badly of me (which you probably should), I am not a small woman who thinks it’s easy to lose weight and be a size 2.
My friends looked at me funny and then said, “I admire her for having enough self-confidence to not care what others think, but to wear what she likes and feels comfortable in.”
And there it is. I have always been self-conscious of my body. I can go out without make-up or my hair fixed (I find pony tails very freeing), but I rarely go out without capris or long pants, usually jeans, and a decent shirt that covers the multitude of bulges present in places they shouldn’t be.
I hate swim suits. I mostly only wear shorts around my house. Even when I was skinny, I was self-conscious about my body. It’s just worse now.
But you know what, I was projecting onto that poor woman in the restaurant. She deserved to wear what she liked that was modest and decent. I do not condone some of the new styles where every part of the body is almost visible…nobody with any decency wants to see all that outside of a bedroom, but people, women especially, should be able to wear what makes them comfortable without worrying what people like me will think.
Yesterday our pastor spoke about envy vs. jealousy. Envy is wanting what others have and striving to take it from them. Jealousy, a close cousin, is wanting what others have, but being willing to work for it.
I think I was jealous. Sad but true.
We’re not all designed to be size 2 or even a size 8 or 12. Some women are gorgeous as a size 20. They love their bodies.
I wish I did.
I’m perfectly imperfect, but being transformed by the renewing of my spirit. I pray that one day, if I see another woman who is pulling off a look that I wish I were brave enough to pull off, that instead of judging her, I will pray for her. I want to thank God that there are women who are confident enough in who they are that they can wear what they like no matter what others think.
I’m not there yet. But I want to be.
I’m perfectly imperfect. At least until Jesus comes again. And, oh, what a day that will be. I can’t wait for that new body. 🙂