I missed A in the A to Z meme last week, so I’m trying for B this week.
That’s how I’ve felt recently. Disappointed and unpleasant. It’s already August and it doesn’t feel like I’ve done much of anything all summer, even though it seems like I’ve been run ragged.
It’s like laundry or dishes…you know you did it, but there’s little evidence that it’s been done because there’s always more to do – and I truly think both laundry and dishes multiply like rodents.
I’ve posted on my blog before about my inability to trust others – or maybe it’s just myself I don’t trust. I don’t know. Somehow I am unable to make true friendships – deep ones, ones that allow you to call and just chat, or if there’s an emergency – to call in the middle of the night. I have a lot of surface friends-people I chat with online, or in church. I can smile and fake it with the best of them. What I WANT and I think what I NEED in my life is someone who can teach me how to deepen my relationships.
I don’t like to be vulnerable. It opens me up for hurt, and I don’t like to be hurt. Well, no one does, but I think I have a bigger aversion to it than others. But you know what I’ve found over the last few months…it hurts not to be vulnerable too. Why? Because I see all these people around me who have close relationships and I realize I don’t have that. I’ve never really had it.
The old adage – what you don’t know can’t hurt you – comes to mind. But I think it can and does.
So…wasn’t that an encouraging post? But you know what…I’m just being real, and I’m still bummed.
I hope your summer is going better and is far more productive than mine.