And Still I Will Trust

Trust is hard for me. It has been for as long as I can remember. It stems from events in my childhood that I won’t go into here because that’s not what this post is about. It’s just a little background.

A little over two weeks ago, I spent a full day with a raging headache. I didn’t think much of it as I get them on occasion, usually if I’m extremely tired. But even migraine meds wouldn’t touch this pain.

Quite by accident I realized that one of dirty windowmy eyes was blurry. I had leaned down to rub my head and covered my left eye and found that my right eye looked as if I was looking through a dirty window. I assumed it would go away, so I waited for almost a week to make an appointment with the eye doctor.

She couldn’t figure out WHY my vision had gone from 20/20 to 20/60 (even worse up close). The tests she ran showed nothing unusual other than my lack of vision. An MRI appointment was arranged, and she requested copies of my blood work from my primary care physician.

My MRI was this past Wednesday. That afternoon (only a few hours after my appt), she called and said the radiologist found a small mass behind my eye that was pressing on my optic nerve, which is what is causing my blurry vision. She said she was going to refer me to a neurologist. Due to insurance paperwork, I have yet to get that appointment, but I expect it soon.

Yesterday in church our pastor said something that struck me. He said, “Faith is saying thank you BEFORE the miracle happens. Gratitude is saying thank you afterward.” So, in faith, I thanked God for my healing yesterday. And I vowed to trust Him. Even in this. I say to God in the words of Job, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.” (Job 13:15a)

Many of you know I’ve struggled with back pain for several years. In the beginning, I knew (and still know) that God would get the glory from my pain…somehow, someway. I believe the same about this situation I am now faced with.

God is my healer (through doctors, if necessary), comforter, protector, and so much more. Nothing that happens to me will change WHO He is.

I’ve said this before, but it bares repeating… If God only gave us what we could handle, we wouldn’t need Him. “I can do all things through Christ.” I am not alone. “Without Him, I could do nothing.” Without Him, I am nothing. He gives me the breath I breathe. Nothing comes to me that He doesn’t know about beforehand.

Just as He gives me the grace and strength I need to write, to homeschool, to be a mom, to be a wife, so He will give me the grace and strength I need to do this next thing. Whatever that may be.

I covet your prayers. Though the raging headaches have lessened, they are still pretty consistent, especially when I’m tired or I’m having to concentrate on a specific spot. Sunlight or bright lights are especially painful and cause my vision to blur even more. I will update more as I know more.

And lest you think me completely selfish, if you have a prayer request, please leave a comment. Details are unnecessary. God knows and He’s the One who will answer our pleas. Simply write, “In need of prayer” and I will pray.

Blessings,

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6 thoughts on “And Still I Will Trust”

  1. Hey, Ginger,
    One thing for certain is that God is building a life-message in you. Years from now, people will read that message on your heart.

    I had a similar experience with my ears about 24 yrs ago. I had developed a debilitating dizziness problem, and suffered with it for months. A specialist told me it would never go away, and that I couldn’t fly anymore. (I was a pilot, had founded my own aviation business and needed to fly.)

    I got really earnest and fervent with God, and the next day, I was healed. (I have left out some details for brevity) I was able to share that experience with my customers, some of them very influential, and through the years the Lord blessed our business and we supported ten different ministries around the world.

    Stories like mine I am sure you have heard before, but consider this: The battle often comes with an attack upon the area where we are strongest, not the weakest. If we want to go deeper with God, he will allow a giant to stand in our way.

    You will win. It is your destiny. I and many others will stand with you…

    James N. Miller

  2. Ginger, at one point during practice yesterday I noticed you closed your eyes, more from a “need” basis than a worship basis. And I was praying for you. I was thanking Him for the doctors and quick test results. But now I too will be thanking Him for the healing work that is coming for you! I alway count it an honor to be your friend, but it is not just an honor but a blessing to pray for His victory over this situation and to thank Him for the healing work that is to come!

    1. Yes, I was having a hard time with the lights yesterday. At one point, I wasn’t sure if I would make it through the worship. I thank you for your prayers. They definitely helped as I did indeed manage to stay on stage the whole time, and as long as I looked at the floor or closed my eyes, I did okay.

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